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Monday, November 27, 2006

Emotional Laxative

Does such a thing exist?

I could use some if it does. My emotions feel blocked. They've been like this all weekend. They are there, no doubt about it, but I can't seem to express them like they need to be expressed. I don't want to expunge them, just loosen them up a bit. Maybe, therefore, it's not a laxative I need, but an emotional stool softener? Just to get things moving again.

I think it stems from the solitary feelings that come from space, time, responsibilities elsewhere. When you love someone so deeply, to be in a position where you can't express it in the way you need to, constantly, can cause this emotional constipation. I have such an innate need to express, to show, to be in the moment and not merely talking about it.

I have a need to be 'in love' when I'm in love. It's my nature. I want to touch, taste, smell, hear, see. I want to use all of me to show my feelings. I want, no I NEED, to be in each moment, not talking about it as a 'when'. It's just so hard to be revolving around the periphery of the experience.

Does any of this even make sense? Sometimes it does to me and sometimes I think, get a grip Fiona!


Zibi said...

Makes perfect sense to me...

Anonymous said...

It makes perfect sense. The best part of any relationship is the start. It's only natural you want to spend every waking hour with that person.

chele said...

Distance is hard in any relationship. What your feeling is normal though..I been there too.

LePhare said...

Get a grip Fi....... but get a grip of what? ;-)

It makes sense. I haven't known you very long but that post is you.

Sunny Delight said...

It makes so much sense I can feel it *S*...

just talking about loving when the need and craving to be together is so intense does make you have to take a step back...it hurts too much otherwise...for a time the craving is almost bearable...but only when we can take some time away from it...and that is what you are doing...in a sense...getting your grip...so you can continue on with more joy than pain. *huge huge hug*

Fiona said...

Thank you for letting me know I'm not off my rocker.

I'm not proud of myself, but I did find an emotional stool softener and it involved getting shirty with the man I love. He didn't deserve it and I need to go and find words to apologise. It served absolutely no purpose except maybe for him to see another side of me, not the best side, and it didn't make me feel any better either.

I guess, though, we all know that love is never all sunshine and roses.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you got a little snippy with the man you love, honey, but the great thing about love is that the distance between your two hearts isn't as great as the distance between your bodies.

He loves you--all of you. One of my exes told me once "A bad day with you is still better than a great day with someone else".
I'm sure your man feels the same about you :)

Fiona said...

Sally...thank you for that!!!

the great thing about love is that the distance between your two hearts isn't as great as the distance between your bodies.

...and especially for that.

One of the hardest things about him is getting used to how much he loves me....parts of me are still programmed to think myself unworthy of love. I'm working on it though :)

Fiona said...

pppsssttttt Sally....ummm invite me please? I saw the post on your blog but didn't take note of your email before you restricted access....and it's not on your profile!!

fionahkg at gmail dot com

Thanks *S*

Anonymous said...

Anytime, Fiona :)

Fiona said...

I think, with the help of the love of a most excellent man, I have my grip back. I'm more relaxed, more settled, less anxious, breathing better, and my need for a 'motion' has definitely passed!!

He does love me - all of me. And I'm just not used to that. Yet. But I am settling into it in a big way. Just letting things 'be' as they are.

All your comments have helped...thank you...so very much. SD long-ass email on the way to you!!

We will now resume normal programming!

Steve said...

I really like what Sally says too!!! :)

Ah! You are worthy of being loved, Fi!! So worthy!

And I bet he feels VERY lucky; and that he thinks all the time about wanting to touch, taste, smell, hear, and see you too!!! ;)

Fiona said...

Thank you Steve. And yes, he tells me that he does feel lucky.

We both want lots more touching, tasting, smelling, hearing and seeing. And we shall have it!!

Anonymous said...

Hey there, I like your writing, let me know what you think about mine


Fiona said...

eeeerrrmmmmm well 'lovingboy' I'm not sure if this is the sort of feedback you're looking for but....nice structure, cadence, style, rhythm. Very evocative.

However I'm in love and would only find such words seductive, if they came from one particular man :)

Ladies (and gents)....have at it!!!


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