A Cautionary Tale

When texting both your wife and your girlfriend at the same time....make sure you haven't put the message for your girlfiend in your wife's whatsapp window before you press send.

Oh and probably not the best idea either to refer to your wife in said message by using the girlfriend's derogatory name for her.

Love and Lupo

One cold Spring day, I found two little bundles of fluff dumped behind my apartment entrance gate in Tenerife.  Little did I know the impact they would have on my life, my sister's life and Anders' life.

Anders fell in love with little brown baby, and called him Love (Loo-vay) in Swedish.  I had already fallen in love with the poorly little black baby who was much smaller and not very well.

Scroll on 13 years.  Love passed away late last month unexpectedly after a short illness. They discovered a tumor on his spleen and when they opened him up to remove it, found a large tumor on his liver and Anders took the heart-wrenching decision to let him go and not suffer through the pain after surgery for a very short life expectancy.  With my heart in my throat I immediately took Lupo to the vet and he was quickly booked in for an xray and ultrasound. 

This was done on Saturday and the worst of the worst has been discovered.  While there is a growth on his spleen similar ro his brother, what is much more worrying and serious is a primary lung tumor which has been detected, plus some other lumps in his chest area and an enlarged heart.  More investigation is to be done, still to decide between a needle biopsy, CT scan or going in with a scope and taking a sample then.  The vet has said I am probably looking at six months, barring a miracle.

I'm putting this here instead of on my FB page because I haven't told my sister yet...she's his second mama, having looked after him for me for almost 8 of his 13 years.  So please don't mention it there if you know me here and there.

I know I should be grateful for 13 years of life with Lupo.  But my heart is breaking at the thought of losing my sparkle-eyed boy.

Newness

It's 2012, almost six years since I first wrote here.

I miss you my little blog, my escape, my sanctuary, my channel to express.  And sometimes my rubber room.

Maybe with the New Year, 2012 and Year of the Dragon, I'll make time to come back and write again.

Happy New Year everyone and wishing you all and wonderful Year of the Dragon - a very auspicious year.

Pushing Off

I sank to the bottom and felt like I was drowning.

Then I looked up and saw my reflection on the underside of the surface.

I saw the me I had become.

So I pushed off hard from the bottom, breaking through my own reflection.

Replacing it with the me I need to be.

Running My Fingers Across the Empty 'New Post' Box

I miss writing here .....

.... and here....

and here.

A Dog Named Sam

Warning: This is very, very hard to read. But everyone even thinking of buying a dog should read it. Everyone who has ever turned from rescue organisations and gone into a pet shop, should read it.

For Sam, and so very many dogs just like him.

Adopt, don't buy.


My Lupo (above, right, just after I found him and his brother dumped on the street) could have ended up just like Sam. And I can't begin to tell you how he has enhanced my life, and that of everyone who comes into contact with him. He gives me, and Steve, so much more than we would ever be able to give him.

I love my darling boy so very much!

Sadness

I hired K way back in 1991, a young, quiet, sweet woman with a beautiful smile and gentle soul.

Five years ago, she came down with chronic lymphocytic leukaemia. Today, after a long and incredibly brave battle, we lost her, at 45. This is one of five cancer cases I'm dealing with, in a population of less than 180. It's way too many. She's the first one we've lost and it has hit us all very hard.

In HR there's so much to deal with, apart from the medical side over all these years, the sick leave, the hiring of a temp to keep her job open for when she was able to come to work over the years. And now, the death benefits, the administration of closing her file, ending her relationship with us.

As a company, we stood by her. As individuals, we stood by her. I'm proud of all of us for being who we were to K. But it's hard. I wish the outcome had been different. I wish we'd see her smile around here again. We will miss her.

RIP, K.

Patsy's Post

Today, in my short trawl through my favourite blogs, I found Patsy's post.

And it made me think, long and hard, about love and finding love and growing in love and living in love and, well, about all the aspects of love.

Patsy referenced a movie she'd just watched and liked this quote:

That's just it. I don't know that Paolo's the love of my life, but I've decided to give him the chance to be. Maybe true love is a decision. You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody. Without worrying whether they'll give anything back. Or if they're gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn't something that happens to you. Maybe it's something you have to choose.

I know I've been very silent here since Steve and I started our life together. Some of you may be wondering if everything is OK between us. I'm glad to say it's more than OK, it's wonderful in every sense.

I'm not saying it's perfect, goodness knows we have our ups and downs like everyone. We have our differences in opinion. It hasn't been an entirely smooth ride, I'm not breaking any confidences by saying this and I know Steve reads my blog, still. Tempers do flare, without a doubt, and we argue sometimes, too. But we have weathered all the little bumps with a great sense of humour, an understanding and an acceptance of all we are and always will be. As individuals and to each other.

I often reflect on the the slim thread of fate that brought us together, a thread that could so easily have broken before anything happened. I reflect, too, on our decisions and how they could have been different, or influenced, or even rejected by one or the other. Getting to the place of our future together was also fraught with obstacles and was not an easy journey. But we got there in the end and I still smile when I remember our trip to Santa Fe in March 2008. What started as an opportunity to spend a few days together ended up with us joined together for life.

Most of all, this imperfect woman reflects on the imperfect man I'm married to, and whom I will grow old with, and I thank my lucky stars that we're together. I still wake up during the night and look over at him, and smile. My heart is at peace. My present and my future are filled with affection and respect. Love binds, but love also frees.

At our wedding ceremony, the minister closed with this:

Apache Blessing:

Now you will feel less rain for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel less cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is less loneliness, for each of you are companion to the other. Now you are two individual persons, yet there is a joined life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion and may your days together be good and long upon the earth. Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness, which your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at one time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives; remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight. Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your togetherness, and may your days be good and long together.

I loved the words, the ideology. We're living it now and to this, I say:

Hell, yeah!

Belated Food Post

We hot-potted to our hearts' content last weekend, in celebration of a very wonderful man, my best friend's dad. I love spending time with my adopted family, not that they had any choice in adopting me, I adopted all of them :)

Hot pot is a wonderful meal option whereby you cook your own food - and food for others if you're so inclined - in a large boiling stockpot (or two) at the table. What you see there is about a quarter of the food we gorged upon.

Not for the faint-hearted though, those prawns resting on a bed of ice were still alive, despite having bamboo skewers up their arses!

Music, Beautiful Music

We are being inundated with excellent live musical choices here right now.

Booked so far:

18 February
Eric Clapton

5 March
Elvis Costello

11 March
Michael Buble

and then....gasp...

18 March
Eagles

Set List:

How Long
Busy Being Fabulous
I Don’t Want To Hear Anymore
Guilty of the Crime
Hotel California
Peaceful Easy Feeling
I Can't Tell You Why
Witchy Woman
Lyin' Eyes
The Boys of Summer
In the City
The Long Run
No More Walks in the Wood
Waiting in the Weeds
No More Cloudy Days
Love Will Keep Us Alive
Take It to the Limit
Long Road out of Eden
Somebody
Walk Away
One of These Nights
Life's Been Good
Dirty Laundry
Funk #49
Heartache Tonight
Life in the Fast Lane
Encore:
Take It Easy
Rocky Mountain Way
Desperado

oh boy oh boy oh boy, there's going to be some singing and grooving that night :)