When You're Just....Not Enough
I revisited my little blog recently and had a read through all the posts. Some lengthy, some short. Some happy, some sad. Some questioning, some confirming. Lots about growing in love.
How quickly things can change, how easily things can become something else, altogether. I'm not perfect, never have tried to pretend that I am. But I have always done things from a point of being honest to myself and my loved ones. Even my not-so-loved ones and that is perhaps why I am now not-so-loved by them. Aaaaah honesty, how I wish you had been present more in others.
In life, you trust. You trust your commitments, you trust those close to you, you trust your decisions. Sometimes all those trusts are broken along with your heart. When you're just.....not enough.
I'm constantly reviewing the past two years in my mind....what if I had, what if he had, what if we had. But when someone constantly chooses another person, the same person, over you, it's time to realise that you're just....not enough.
Why wasn't I enough? That's the part I don't understand.
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5 comments:
Ya know Fi, I don't really know "why or why not ". Just be true to yourself. Love yourself. I can't say I'm in love with ya, but I am in deep like! You are a fascinating person who has done more adventurous things than most of us.
Just know DG loves ya... Well deep like anyway ;)
I read your post minutes after you put it up Fiona, and have thought about it for a few days now. And I've tried writing some thoughts out only to stop twice now.
You've asked one of those unanswerable questions Fiona. In different ways I've asked the same one in my past as you know. All I can say is you are enough, and will be enough to the right person down the road. I'm so sorry Steve was not that person. It's a shame he broke his trust with you, because trust is everything in a relationship. Honesty too.
What I really want to say here is don't take on all the blame yourself for this, and knowing you, I don't think you are but I just have to say it anyway.
You are a very special lady with a very kind heart and I know your honesty. Take care of yourself and your sweet pups, and you know where to find me if you need to talk!
Hugs, John
It won't make sense for a long, long time. And then, one day...you will awaken and you will see the pure logic in it and how this NOT happening made way for something down the road that DID happen.
Promise. Cross my heart.
Totally new to your blog and so I don't know you at all. But although it may sound trite the reality is probably closer to why wasn't he enough. Enough to appreciate what he had. Enough to be honest about it when he changed his mind about what he wanted. It's hard to stay out of the feelings-of-worthlessness-rabbit-hole, I know but every second you fight it is a good one.
I'm sorry Fiona. Glad you found me again.
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