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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Aloha from the Silent One

I promised pics and posts and I've done neither...sis and I are having a blast though!!! We have been out and about and enjoying so much. I'll post about it in a few days if things quiet down any!!!

Ian - I'm still trying the grass skirt thing, something has made sis a little shy but here are a few pics :

The view from the hotel balcony - that's the first day, it was a little cloudy but it has been sunny ever since!!

Sis and I riding the local bus to the north coast...to see the surfer dudes but unfortunately a weekday and small waves...not too many were about!!!

( updated - hahahahahahaha I realised that probably most of you won't know who is who - that's me on the left, with the sunkissed face :) )

Aloha and running out to do something else!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Konnichiha from Tokyo

If I break into Japanese it`s because this damn keyboard has some hidden keys I tell you!!! Like the apostrophe is hidden somewhere and i`m having to use that reverse one.

Just waiting to board another plane like the one in the pic. Bless Yahoo for providing free unlimited internet access even though everything is in Japanese and there is nowhere to turn it into English so all the instructions even here on blogger are in Japanese, thank goodness I remember where everything is.

Beautiful departure from Hong Kong, the weather was lovely and we took the route right over the city, I waved to the office and passed over the apartment. Stupid me though didn`t take her camera out of her ONE handcarry item but I shall for the approach into Hawaii. Here it`s awful, grey wet, yukky. Am glad I`m only passing through!!!

Whiled away the four hours on the plane by watching two movies...or rather one and almost three-quarters of a movie...now I have to find Basic Instincts 2 to watch the final 20 mins. Actually upon reflection I may not bother.....dear oh dear Sharon you should have opted out of the sequel darling!! RV did have some very funny parts. I think I was annoying the person next to me with my chuckles and guffaws.

Soon onto another plane for 7-plus hours, I have a book, no doubt more movies and maybe a sleep. This time zone thing is too weird. I actually will arrive there before I left Hong Kong, basically I get to do my Tuesday twice. Once in the air and at airports, then once in paradise. Guess which one I really am looking forward to.

I think I might go and write some postcards and see if I can find a mailbox. But if you get them from Hawaii you`ll know why.

So now it`s .... sayonara from Tokyo. Next post will be aloha from Hawaii.

P.S. I didn`t mistype "konnichiwa", when you write it, it is konnichiHa. I learned that today.


Now THIS is what I'm tawkin bout:

Monday, September 25, 2006

Priorities ... Last-Minute Things ... and Minges

I'm down to 24 hours now and my last day at work. I see a big pile here, however I am already in the 'gone' mood and just can't seem to get worked up about it. Plus I work so well against very tight deadlines, so I can see myself chilling this morning and then working like a demon until 9 tonight!!

I'm about ready, purchased all the last-minute little bits n pieces, travel size toothpaste, travel size shampoo, travel size conditioner, extra-large sunscreen (that sounds like a protection garment when I put it like that!!), etc., etc., etc. I hate the baggage rules into and out of Europe and Asia, 20 kgs (44 lbs) total, while I can take two pieces into and out of the States and each of those can be up to 32kgs (50 lbs). IATA please explain yourself. And packing for two climates isn't going to be easy - tshirts and sweaters, flip-flops and boots. And it's not like sis and I can share, she's got a model's figure and I, well I haven't!

She's had a bad sinus infection so I asked if she's been to the doctor. I got this reply:

no time to go to the docs fion!!!.....i just hope it will clear.......am taking rhino blast at the mo which is pretty powerful but it aint shifting.......feel like me face is gonna explode........and so much to do......get me minge waxed.......load up on dog bikky.....get keys cut.....clean the flat and do loadsa washing.........ahhhhhhhh

As you can see, at the top of it is 'get me minge waxed'. Yes at the very top!! The woman has a serious sinus infection. Bad news for a) flying and b) as a professional diver she hasn't been able to work for a week thus depleting her holiday funds. But hey let's make sure the minge is waxed. She now says she'll try and get to the doctor before her 11am flight to London. Oh dear, she really does crack me up.

By the way my minge is travelling unwaxed.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Dreaded Chili Prawn

These should come with a warning. Especially when consumed at 11pm on an empty stomach. I should have had lunch. I shouldn't have reached for my delivery book (yes, there's so much food delivery that the listings are in books) when I got home late and hungry.

But all I found in my fridge was three fuji apples. And this was not the kind of raging, gnawing hunger that any fuji would calm.

It's too damn easy in this town to get chili prawns delivered hot to your door at 11 o'clock at night. And they are way too good to resist even when I should have known better. Today I will eat lunch no matter how crazy my day turns out.

But right now I'm suffering from the revenge of the dreaded chili prawn and my tummy is in knots. I've had a couple of glasses of soya milk and I am hoping that will help. That and a handful of Maalox. Or two.

Update: Lunch today, California Rolls

Thursday, September 21, 2006

My List So Far

'Scuse the terrible scrawl. As you can see, there's still room on my list so please yell out if there's anything Hawaiian or Scottish you'd like. I promise not to stalk you if you give me your address - I'm too far from anyone to do that anyway!!!

The plan is to photoblog while I'm away and as she's a dab hand with the camera, I'm sure my sister will make a fair contribution to the visuals (no LePhare, not due to her being in a grass skirt and coconuts...well OK OK that WOULD be quite a contribution!!)

Only four days to go until aloha och aye.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Aum...or Om

A - emerges from the throat, originating in the region of the navel U - rolls over the tongue M - ends on the lips ; A - waking, U - dreaming, M - sleeping. It is the sum and substance of all the words that can emanate from the human throat. It is the primordial fundamental sound symbolic of the Universal Absolute.

In fact, when correctly pronounced, or rather, rendered, the "A" can be felt as a vibration that manifests itself near the navel or abdomen; the "U" can be felt vibrating the chest, and the "M" vibrates the cranium or the head. The abdominal vibration symbolises Creation; It is interesting that the "creative" or reproductive organs are also located in the lower abdomen. The vibration of the chest represents Preservation, which is also where the lungs are situated (the lungs sustain or preserve the body through breath). The vibration of the head is associated with Destruction or sacrifice, since all that one gives up or destroys is first destroyed mentally. Hence, the entire cycle of the universe and all it contains is said to be symbolised in AUM.

An individual's "Aum" is the sound that can be held steady the longest per breath for the longest consecutive sequence of breaths. It is called "aum" in every culture that is aware of it because it sounds like that in all humans. The lower pitches are more suited because they require less muscular contraction of the abdomen, leading to lower rates of oxygen consumption, allowing for longer time between breaths. The Aum is the exact sound that is easiest for the individual to produce.

Once the minimization of oxygen consumption occurs (by minimization of muscular exertion), the outflow of air will be steady and quite sensitive to any forces that alter the amount of pressure in the chest cavity. One of the most notable consequences of this is that the rhythmic contractions of the heart become audible within the Aum.

Thus, by the use of Aum:
one can easily hear their own heart.
a person can modify the pace of their heart.
a group of people can synchronize their heartbeats.

It is such a beautiful sound....and the vibration all through your body is incredible. And today I need to Aum. I need to modify the pace of my heart.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Given To or Taken From?

Today, I understood something in such a different way, thanks to my dear friend Chele.

We were emailing a little about relationships and the like and Chele was in my life when, earlier this year, I lost someone so dear, so precious to me. Someone I loved. Today she said to me:

"There is a purpose for everything under the sun..we may not know what they are..but they have a reason and someday we will understand why..what happened to you was terribly sad and heartbreaking but for some reason James was put in your path..or maybe..Fiona.. YOU were put in his..to make his last time here..the best it could be..so that he could leave this world knowing real love. Thats what I think."

James and I had been friends for the longest time, online friends, telephone chat friends, for about five years when things changed between us. I'd just extricated myself from a two-year relationship and he was in the throes of making his own changes. Over the space of about six months we grew closer and closer together, we made plans for our future. In February, I travelled to Canada to spend some time with him. We were going to be together in June.

A month later he was in hospital for bypass surgery. It was supposed to be routine, well as routine as that can ever be. Over the phone, he comforted me, assured me there was nothing to worry about, after all we had so much to look forward to. "Just a little bump in the road", he would say to me.

I spoke to him only hours before he was to go into surgery. There I am in tears and he's making me smile. Describing to me, the beautiful view from the hospital window, of the mountains around Vancouver, of the water. Making me laugh with stories about his ward-mates, and telling me about the kindnesses of his nurses and doctors. That is just how James was, a wonderful, caring, warm, sensitive, beautiful man.

He came out of surgery into post-op care and the next day he coded. They revived him, he coded again and they got him back again. But not a third time. He was gone. Gone forever, gone from my then and gone from my future. Just suddenly gone. At 45. I never even got to hear his voice again. How I grieved for him, how I ached at the loss. How I cursed the gods for taking him from me. I was numb so deep inside.

And all this time I've been thinking, he was taken from me. But what Chele pointed out to me today is this. Maybe he wasn't taken from me, perhaps it was I who was given to him when he needed me. And because of that, it all seems so different. I can smile when I think of him now, not weep as much.

James wasn't taken from me when I needed him most, I was given to him when he needed me most. I was there in his life because he needed to know love, real love, before he left us. And I was there to give him that love and to let him feel loved.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Because for all these months I've been thinking of it as so totally senseless that I lost him. And now, instead, I understand why he found me.

Thank you Chele.

Update: where I spoke of James first.

Just for Chele - Hairy Coos!

Also known as Scottish Highland Cattle. But in the lingo they are 'hairy coos' and it must be said with the requisite Scottish burr!!

And if you ever thought that English is spoken in Scotland, check this out - I need an interpreter when I'm there.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Love for Love's Sake

As I have grown personally, I have found over the years that my ability to love has changed. As has my reason to love. I don't love based on availability, nor the love being returned. I love from my heart and soul when it feels right, not when it fits the parameters of a love that can be.

It's not always neat and tidy and pretty. Loving someone can be rough and ragged, with torn edges and wounds to heal elsewhere. It can cause as much hurt as it brings joy. Not everyone wins when two people grow in love together. And love doesn't always win. Sometimes obligation does. But, and I know this for a fact, obligation doesn't complete a person. Loving and being loved do.

We don't choose who we love, love happens to us. I have never targetted someone to love, I have just grown in love. The sad part is that for almost all of the men I've loved, there in the back of their minds was someone else they would rather have been with. I endured lovemaking always in the dark, I have been called someone else's name right at the moment it was really the last thing I wanted to hear. There is nothing more vile, more soul-destroying, than realising the man making love to you isn't making love to you at all. I have, I'm ashamed to say, found my way into the email account of a man I was involved with, to get the proof he was playing with me while still declaring his love for his ex-wife. He kept lying to me and I needed the truth. Another time, I convinced myself that a man loved me enough to make changes in his life, which in truth I knew he never would.

These have all been learning experiences for me, relationships that have helped make me grow and in so many ways, helped me respect myself a little more with each lost 'love'. I am glad that I've been strong enough to walk from the relationships that were damaging me, as well as the ones that didn't enrich me. I have been a bridge for some men to find bigger happiness elsewhere, and they, too, have sometimes been a bridge for me to a better awareness of what I am and wish to be.

I am walking into the future full of hope, full of conviction that there is a man out there who will not only love me for who I am, but adore me for what I am not, yet. I already know his name and he knows mine.

Walking Through - from my DailyOM

When Doors Open

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what's there as that's the only way to know. Even if it doesn't seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go.

Doors open when the time is right for us to enter a new space, metaphorically speaking, and we can have faith that walking through is the right thing to do. Sometimes we linger in the threshold because we are afraid of leaving our old life for a life we know nothing about. We may have voices inside of our heads that try to hold us back or people in our lives saying discouraging things. These voices, internal and external, are known as threshold spirits, and they express all the fears and doubts that arise at the beginning of a new life. Nevertheless, none of these voices can hold us back, and they will fall silent as soon as we cross the threshold.

There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

Yes, I have had some thresholds I gladly, and sometimes madly, stepped over. Sometimes to find they didn't hold the promise I thought they would. But I do believe that each led to another, then another. And that all my thresholds have a purpose in my life. Even if I didn't recognise that purpose at the time.

I am still on my journey of where I need to go and where I am meant to be.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Touching .... and Being Touched

I'm a very tactile person. I like to touch in all ways. To reassure, to emphasise, to comfort, to bridge a gap. And most of all to show affection from my heart to the person I love. I crave the warmth of another body pressed into mine. I want to kiss and be kissed without boundaries.

I've never been involved with a tactile person. I suppose the closest I got was my ex-husband and he loved to touch, for an audience, but not when we were alone together. And he had HUGE intimacy issues, which led to the demise of our relationship.

The last guy I was involved with told me he loved to snuggle and kiss. And lo and behold I found that to be a total untruth. To the point I felt I was smothering him because when you do touch and caress and hug and snuggle and kiss, with a reluctant partner, that's how you feel. I was being me and expected from him what he'd told me and instead I ended up feeling so bad for being so tactile. So I did what one does, I adapted to his level of intimacy which was almost non-existant. I tried to make it work, despite these differences, for two years but had to admit defeat in the end. I want to be with someone who fires my soul, who drives my passion to an even higher level and all I got was, well, routine and structure and frankly so little excitement I couldn't even bring myself to want what little was offered.

We split up, mutually agreeing it was best, but he quickly decided he had lost something good and I'm not going to disagree with that! But I still need the man who will fire my soul, drive my passion and, quite honestly, leave me in a puddle on the floor. He will never do that for me. But he insists he is a changed person, he insists he knows he needs to be more tactile, to hold me, to kiss me, to cuddle with me. I listen and I really do appreciate he wants to try. But I don't want someone who has to TRY to love me and show his love for me.

I want someone who knows he loves me, who touches me and wants more, that even touching isn't enough to satiate his desires. I want a man who will possess me and let me possess him. I want a man to intertwine my heart and soul and mind and body with. I want a man who touches me no matter where we are, who will pull me to him and hold me as though the world is about to end. A man who can't get enough of me and who breathes fire through his nostrils with a need for me. I want a man with a heart and soul open to mine and god, my god, I want to be touched in every way possible. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I think I just met him.

Names, Tags, Numbers and Labels

I know a man
Who drowns his sorrows in the cheapest booze
He knows he hasn't got that much to lose

I know a man
Who speaks the language of another class
He sees nothin' in the looking glass

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool

I know a kid
Somehow the ball game doesn't interest him
Isn't this where it all begins?

She's twenty-five
She wants a family and a house to run
Her sister always was the pretty one

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool

There's no escape
'cause time will do a number on us all
Your age is scrawled across the office wall
Old man

You gave me mine
At the time I took it casually
Is that all you really thought of me?

Names, tags, numbers, labels
Other people teach you what you are
You believe them as a rule
While my name for you is beautiful
Your name for me is fool

Names, tags, numbers, hm, labels

~ Names, Tags, Numbers and Labels
by Albert Hammond and Mike Hazlewood ~

Labels - I go to work every day with all another kind of label screaming at me - Dior, Louis Vuitton, Tiffany, Christian Dior, Prada, Chanel, Bulgari, Chloe, Dunhill, Armani. The building where I work is surrounded by high-end retail opportunities.

Yes, I like the pretty things in life. Yes, I've looked in Tiffany's windows more than once and thought how wonderful to possess one or two of their trinkets. And yes, my spectacle frames are Prada, though I didn't know this until after the lenses were set as the identification is, unusually for Prada, very discreet. When I chose them they met my criteria of: bronze in colour, rectangular in shape and light in weight.

But to spend like some people do on items emblazoned with names that are supposed to represent some sort of exclusivity and indulgence in a world where there are still so many with so little, to me is obscene and more than a little disturbing. Especially when the purchase is made solely in order to display the labels of 'wealth'.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

So my sister says to me....

"k den yo sistah we gonna grind and talk story and lesgo get us some mo bettah mokes and brok da mout grinds - don't you be giving me dat stink eye - ass right"

Meaning...ok Fiona, we'll eat and chat and let us go and find some better large local tough guys and eat delicious food - don't you look at me with a mean look - that's right.

I kid you not, a moke is a 'large local tough guy'. If nothing else, I'm sure she'll sweet talk some mokes into having their picture taken with us.

People...save me from my sister, she's already talking in the local lingo!!!! And she not only wants an aloha shirt, she wants the grass skirt and coconut shells too!!!!

OK anyone wanting a postcard from Hawaii and Scotland, email me your postal address.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Who we were really meant to be...

What we live with we learn...
What we learn we practice....
What we practice we become...
And what we become has consequences...
And almost always, I have found...
Who we become, has little to do with
Who we were really meant to be.....

~ Author unknown ~

I know that I learned from what I lived with. I practised what I learned. I became who I needed to become. And I know that who I became had consequences. And that those consequences led me to become someone I didn't want to be, someone I never planned on being.

But in knowing this, it gives me a certain freedom. A freedom not to be bound by any of it, any longer. A freedom to be who I was really meant to be. To finally abandon this hairshirt, my heavy cloak of expected behaviour and live as the person I want to be. The person I've always wanted to be. Happy and fulfilled. Loved as well as loving. Appreciated as well as appreciating. Gifted as well as gifting.

Finally at peace with becoming who I was really meant to be. So why am I not that person yet?

Monday, September 11, 2006

Nine Eleven

Today is dedicated to 9/11...September 11....gau yaht yaht (as it is referred to here)

In memory of those who perished, those who lost loved ones, those who found it too hard to go on afterwards.

And..to Bill, wherever you are. My thoughts, and my heart, are with you today.

updated at 4pm with photo essay

Friday, September 08, 2006

We Grow

We grow as the tree grows,
putting out new leaves in spring.
And through it all, the soul remains hidden,
adding ring upon ring upon ring...

~ Author Unknown ~

In getting to know me, someone is asking questions that are peeling back my rings. It really is amazing how we add on those rings from each 'spring' of our lives. And how it takes looking back to realise the way they were added. And what consitutes a ring.

I'd love to be able to take a section through my soul and examine the rings like we do with a tree. Analysing them to determine a rapid growth period, versus a slow one. Would life's tribulations appear as impact scars as they do on a tree?

I like this tree's soul because the centre is off-balance. As though one side developed normally, while the other took its time. That the more compact rings maybe represent a need to keep things tight inside. I can identify with it.

Or maybe the side that moved away from the centre was stretching out to something good and positive and oh so needed. While the other side wasn't sure and hesitated while each ring was added.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Being the Keystone

In architecture, a keystone is the stone at the top of an arch. It is the supporting element for the entire arch — without it the arch would collapse.

How many of us become the keystone in our relationships. Being the one thing that holds it all together. Sometimes enduring great sacrifice by having to take up that role, that all-important load-bearing role.

I suppose some of us would revel in that responsibility, that feeling of being indispensable. Some of us may even seek out that type of not-so-symbiotic relationship. I've been the keystone once and I really wouldn't like to be it again. I want a relationship where we share the importance of being the keystone. Yes, sometimes I will need to take on primary responsibility for keeping the arch intact. And sometimes I may need him to be the keystone in the whole thing.

But most of all, I want the joy of knowing that together we can hold this magnificent structure, this beautiful arch of our making, up together.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

After Awhile You Learn

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

~ Veronica A. Shoffstall ~

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Aloha Och Aye

Well, it's done. Flights are booked for me approaching Honolulu from Hong Kong and my sister approaching it from Tenerife via London. That was QUITE the marathon. After deliberating about flying with her from London, I dropped that idea very quickly when I discovered I'd be flying (never mind ground time) for over 32 hours, to basically get somewhere that is about 10 hours from me!!

So we'll be meeting up in Honolulu rather than London. But then we'll fly back to London together and up to Edinburgh (then the train down to Berwick-upon-Tweed and by car back across the border into Scotland) to spend some time with our mum. We'll have 5 nights in Honolulu, 5 nights in Scotland and 2 nights in London. And various nights on an assortment of aircraft!

I can't deny that there is some guilt involved, she and I will be off holidaying together and spending time having fun, when those extra days could be spent with our mum. However, I think we both need and deserve a holiday too (knowing time in Scotland is never easy time) and we haven't been away together for over 20 years.

My sis works hard, earns next to nothing and takes care of the most precious things in my life - my dog and two cats. She has done that for the last five and a half years and in exchange I give her my apartment to live in. Even then, though, times are hard in her chosen profession. She works as a divemaster in the dive centre I set up and then sold, Aqua-Marina. So Hawaii is a little gift and to say she's stoked is an understatement, she's already learning the local lingo!! Expect photos, she's a natural with a camera.

What I'm not looking forward to is all the planes I'll be on:

Hong Kong to Tokyo
Tokyo to Honolulu
Honolulu to Denver
Denver to Chicago
Chicago to London
London to Edinburgh
Edinburgh to London
London to Hong Kong

And because of the fact it's cheaper to buy a round trip than a one-way ticket, I'm holding Hong Kong to London and London to San Francisco sectors which I can't use on this trip. Methinks another trip will be up my sleeve before too long!

From Aloha

To Och Aye

Monday, September 04, 2006


By everythingness and nothingness.

Work is overloading me that's for sure. And it doesn't look like it will improve anytime soon. I have vacation time coming up and that always stresses me into worrying how things will be done before I go, and then worrying me that I'll be away when something needs to be done. About 10 days ago I was at melting point. I was at a place where it felt like it was tumbling down around me and I didn't know how to deal with it. But I've managed to shore it up again. It took me an hour on Friday night (after pulling a 15-hour day) to just get things sorted into folders from the pile that had erupted on my desk that day.

My heart feels pulled in every which direction. People have come into my life. Then left it. Then want back in. Why didn't they just stay in the first place? Am I a 'filler' yet again when things go wrong for them? I ask myself why do they keep coming back and sniffing at the door. For some I know why and it has nothing to do with the heart, more to do with basic financial needs being met. And I will not be anyone's bank account - not again anyway. And then there is a newness about some feelings and they, too, scare me a little. Why can't I just relax and let what will be, just be.

I spoke with my mother the other day and her voice is getting worse (she has a cancerous growth next to her vocal chords) and I fear for her. In ways I didn't fear for my dad, maybe because she will never let us in. At least he did, he let us feel his pain and his fear, he let us 'participate'. How awful to want to participate in a parent's death but it really did help knowing every step of the way what was happening and how he was feeling and what he needed from us.

And you know there is nothing that I shouldn't be able to handle, nothing that I can't handle. So why this feeling? Over the weekend I felt dizzy, and yet not dizzy, just off balance, physically. Like I was toppling over. Almost a feeling of being hung over. And as I don't drink, it certainly isn't due to that. I feel I've been pushed off my axis. I'm discombobulated. And plain overwhelmed when I should be able to cope.

Too much everythingness and in reality it's nothingness.

Me, I'm getting older and I'm plain
As plain can be
Got a bank full of mother's dreams
Maybe mother just didn't see
That love would be the only thing
Her daughter would ever need

Oh, I am the heart not taken
I am the late blooming rose
The one thought not worth breakin'
With only her mother's dream to hold

Who really knows
On this less travelled road
...Maybe the hearts not taken
Are truly made of gold

~ Nanci Griffith ~

Friday, September 01, 2006

Where I does not exist, nor you

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~ Pablo Neruda ~
100 Love Sonnets (Sonnet XVII)

Probably my favourite poem of all time. If it sounds familiar, you may be recalling it as the poem Robin Williams' character reads to his wife in the movie "Patch Adams".


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