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Friday, June 29, 2007

My Little Ball of Emotion


There are times I sit and suddenly, out of nowhere, this little ball of emotion unfurls itself within me and I unravel with it. Tears pinch at my eyes and I feel a tightening in my chest. It's neither sadness nor happiness exclusively, indeed it can be a mixture of both, while sometimes it's neither. It's just a feeling of raw, unbridled emotion without, seemingly, any real cause.

It feels not so much like a loosely wound ball of wool or string, but something more intense, more powerful. Like the inside of a tightly-wound rubber thread golf ball. Something wound so tight as to make it virtually impenetrable. Until it starts to uncoil.

There's no pattern. It can happen anywhere and everywhere. Watching TV, quietly working at my desk, deciding which flavour of yoghurt to buy, watching the world go by as I sit in the back of a taxi on my way home at night. Sometimes it's when I'm thinking emotionally, but most often it's not. And it has no link to my menstrual cycle, that's a whole different emotional see-saw.

Does anyone else get that unexpected, inexplicable, crushing feeling of emotion that's too hard to hold inside?

16 comments:

mist1 said...

Lately, I have been experiencing brief, inexplicable fits of rage. I feel like a toddler.

kimba said...

Yes honey I do.. it's kind of a nice release of something.. makes you feel alive-er I reckon.

(laughing at mist1.. heh heh heh.. )

Fiona said...

Mist1 - does it feel good? ;) Should I put it on my 'to do' list? I believe from family stories I was quite the tantrum-puller. Personally I find that hard to believe about myself *L*

Kimba - it DOES make me feel alive-er, definitely. And afterwards I feel a sense of calm, of peace. I think once I'm loved, physically, 24/7, it will be better :)

Fusion said...

Sigh...

Yeah

Trueself said...

Yes, Fi, I get that same thing, but could have never written a description of it as eloquently as you have.

oblivion said...

OH definitely yes. I had one the other day but I think it was a load of stress that got lifted off of me. But yes I think we all go through this from time to time.

Sally-Sal said...

I've had the same thing, Fi, but it's me waking up saying "I love you" over and over.

I think it's me talking to myself. I really have no idea :P

Love you, Fi. Email me if you want to talk.

Lovins!!!!!

-Sale

sophie n said...

all the time...

sometimes its about my dad, or dan...

sometimes its because of my home situation...

deb said...

Sometimes it just sneaks up on my out of nowhere and I cry and cry and cry. Then it's better but it feels like I've been hit by a hurricane.

Sunny Delight said...

I think we all feel it, as is witnessed by those who have commented before me. It is the uncoiling that I fight...what I have to learn to allow.

But, slowly, I am getting there. And as truself stated, you wrote it so very eloquently...it is exactly like that!

Gillette said...

Constantly. They are my friends. I call it having my feelings come out my eyes. Or "suchness," whatever that means.

Hey, Mist..a friend of mine called it a new therapy: Re-toddling.

anna said...

Yes, and it often scares me.

Fiona said...

Fusion - those of us who have been touched so rarely, really do crave it! I hope you find true happiness and lots of touching :)

TS - I'm glad to hear it's a relatively common thing, I've felt sometimes as though I'm really unravelling. Thank you for the compliment :)

Oblivion - I get those too, the stress-busters, actually there are so many emotions that rush through me to relieve a lot of things I'm feeling. That little ball of emotion is a strange one, though.

Sally - what a wonderful way of looking at it. I do definitely feel more alive, and yet also comforted, as it passes, these relationships we have with ourselves are strange things, indeed :) Lovins back atcha!!!!

Sophie - in time you'll find some peace with these huge influences on your life hon. It will come :)

Deb - I don't have the spirit or courage to handle what you do every day. I'd most likely be a heap on the floor having to stay motivated like you do. You humble me. Hugs

Sunny - maybe I did used to fight it....if I think about it, I probably did. I'm so much more in tune with myself recently, more accepting of me. I even actually look in mirrors!!!

Gillette - 'suchness', what an awesome word. My suchnesses, I like that! Re-toddling *L* I think I got that out my system already ;)

Anna - it used to scare me and I used to fight them. Big strong Fiona isn't going to let her feelings show. But I'm a happier person now that I've embraced them more than I used to. I'm more comfortable with me, but they do take me by surprise sometimes. My sub-conscious keeps creeping up on me :)

McKay said...

Yes, yes and...yes. As soon as you describe it, I know what you mean.

It is not anger or hurt or grief or happiness, just emotion. Maybe it is a wave of chemicals in the brain breaking out from where they've been stored. But it feels more like a truck.

I find the more outlets I have for my emotions, the more active connections I have with others, the less it happens and the more I am alone, not even necessarily lonely, sometimes it builds up.

Weird, but obviously not unique. Thanks for sharing and being so wonderfully clear yet again.

Fiona said...

McKay - that's an interesting take on it, being the chemicals. You're certainly right, that it's not anger or hurt or grief or happiness, it just 'is'. It seems to come out of nowhere and have no definable root. I just go...whoah!... when it happens. Maybe it's just about feeling. And letting oneself feel. Could be so, as you are correct, that it seems to happen more when I'm alone for long stretches, or not otherwise pre-occupied with a busy mind. Thank you for dropping by again :)

Joker The Lurcher said...

i do - quite a lot...

 

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