Lives Interrupted

There are times in our lives when our actions, our needs, our wants, impact others who had no idea this might, or even could, happen.

Two young lives have recently been interrupted by the needs and wants of two adults, one of whom they don't even yet know exists. In time, they will. And in time I hope I might become their friend. My greatest wish is that they come to know how important their father's happiness is to me. That I want to be in his life in a way that will help him be happier than he has been for a long time. And in a way that will help to support him as their father.

We were two people living our lives when we bumped into each other in here. We both found something of interest in the other, something we could each relate to. He spoke of his family, his work. I spoke of my family, my work. He wanted to know more about me, I wanted to know more about him. Gradually we opened ourselves to each other, sharing on a deeper level, sharing parts of our souls. Talking of our dreams, desires, needs. Of our failed and failing relationships. Our friendship grew. We offered companionship and understanding to each other. I shared my experiences in life, hoping these would help him with his. His insight brought a new perspective to my past, and he helped me see things very differently than I had before. We grew closer and closer until we decided we wanted to meet. It wasn't a decision taken lightly, and while we both understood the possible consequences, it didn't have the outcome either of us anticipated or intended. Interest led to love, love led to wanting each other, wanting each other led to discussions about how we could be together, discussions led to plans and the plans are coming to fruition.

Our eyes were, and are, wide open. Both of us know this will be a long road to travel. A long and at times painful road. More for him than for me on an emotional front. Which is why I have never asked for anything, never given an ultimatum. This is his decision, for his future, as well as mine. All along I have just believed that we were meant to be together and therefore we would be. It came down to having faith. I have always had faith in us.

At no point, have his children ever been forgotten. While their lives have been interrupted, they are in no way being pushed aside. So far, they have responded well to what has happened. The time he spends with them now, is of a different quality and depth. They plan things together, they devote time to being together. It's no longer just meeting over the dinner table or driving them to an activity. He doesn't sleep in the same house, but he shows his love for them every day.

These children are important to us. Everything we plan, includes them. Everything he is doing now, includes them. For me, it's vital that they know they will always be the most important people in his life, that they will always be a part of him. He will always be their father and I have taken it upon myself to relocate so that he can stay close to them and be part of their daily lives. I will do everything I can to provide them with a second loving environment, one I hope they will choose to sometimes share with us. We will make provisions for them to be with us, whenever they wish.

I know some of you are probably thinking, if they are so important, why did she take their father from their home? I didn't. He left because he had been so unhappy for so long. And he had tried to make things work, he had done a lot to work things out between himself and their mother. But she found loving him, simply too onerous. Too much of an effort. He was tired of alternately begging or bugging her for intimacy. An intimacy she simply didn't want to give him and hadn't for a long time. There were times early on when I questioned and questioned and questioned what we were doing, if it was the right thing. I admit that I tried to push him back into the relationship, as much as it hurt me to do so. I needed to know, as much as he did, that we were doing the right thing. That there was no way to save the relationship he was in.

These two young lives have been affected by this, as much as by my arrival in his life. So much busy-ness was created around them, to the point the parents had no time for each other. It was designed that way. There was always something needing to be done, time stolen from what relationships need to survive and thrive. Parenting is a time-consuming thing, no doubt, but when one person in a relationship refuses intimacy on an ongoing basis, or wants to schedule it, reluctantly, like it has become a chore, something is going to give, somewhere.

I know my existence has had an impact on these lives. I know I have interrupted them. It wasn't a decision taken lightly by either of us, in fact we have both agonised over it. It is also one which will entail a long wait until we can be together. But our love is strong, our love is mature, our love will get us through to the other side. And yes, sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side. It is for us and it will be for the two young lives that are an unshakable part of the man I love. They are the most important people to consider in all this. Everyone else is an adult and will deal with the events as they unfold. And hopefully take responsibility for what has happened, where it deserves to rest. I know I have.