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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Getting There

A milestone passed yesterday, in that I have signed all the forms and documents required to take my mother's estate to 'confirmation'. Once the tax man reviews it all and makes sure he's getting his slice of the action, then it goes to the Sheriff for final sign off. It always makes me think of Robin Hood when they refer to an official as being the 'Sheriff'.

After that, the interesting part will begin. Fair apportionment of the sum total of our parents' lives. It's a strange feeling doing this - while I don't mind taking on the responsibility, and it is definitely an honour to have that trust given to me, there's just a small part of it which feels as though I'm peering into something so very private about my parents' affairs. As though I'm rummaging through their bedside drawers. I'm thankful, though, at the same time, as all three of us will benefit in no small way from my father's hard work and my mother's prudence. My brother and sister most of all, as they don't really have much/anything to fall back on and this will make a true difference in their lives.

I'd still give up every cent of it, to have my parents back. I wonder if my siblings feel the same way, though. Their constant questioning of when the process will be over, of when we can sell the house, of when funds will be available, sickens me somewhat. I totally 'get' that they are looking forward to their inheritance, but do they have to seem so greedy about it? And, has either of them offered to help me with anything, even beyond the legal stuff I committed myself to handling?

No. Not once. It's all left in my lap, including now a problem with the seawall upon which the house sits. I'm in no better position to handle it than either of them. In fact in terms of hours, I'm the furthest away. But of course all they see is that it may entail the need to pay out ahead of the estate being settled and neither wants to be responsible for that. In the meantime, I've raked up an outstanding account of over five figures (in sterling!) paying for things which needed to be paid for. Don't worry, I'm keeping very close tabs on this and the first payment that can be made, will be reimbursing me for those outlays.

It really is at times like these, that you realise what you're dealing with, when it comes to 'family'.


Fusion said...

Yes, I've already had "inquiries" from my sister about how she feels things should be divided, knowing my mom has removed her from the will, but my sister doesn't know that my mom has given me intruction on how she wants me to split it up, and I haven't looked forward to the day I would have to tell my sister that. But now I'm wondering who's going to live longer, as my sister and mom are both in poor health...

patsy said...

Siblings. Sad their focus is clearly on their sleeves; however, it truly demonstrates that your parents knew which one of their children they could trust implicitly and there is no greater honor than that.

My brother would be no different focusing solely on the bottom line benefiting him :(

Anonymous said...

I have two sisters like that. When my dad was dying and Katie was little and needed a lot of care, neither one of them would come and help. And I asked.

My one sister tells my Mum that she "wants her quarter", of the estate. It sickens me. She even made a comment to my mother about how expensive it would for her to fly back for my Mum's funeral. Tacky doesn't even begin to describe my sister, who by the way is a millionaire.

So take care, you're not alone, we all have fucked up families:)

S'mee said...

Glad to see it's all coming together Fi. I do warn you though, just when you think it's all settled, another statement or demand will drop on the doormat. Sod's law!

George said...

Hi Fiona ... I just saw your last post and thought how beautiful a woman you are.

You are also as beautiful on the inside as you are outside. What you are doing for your parents is a terribly difficult thing in my opinion. But you do it with love.

I guess your siblings follow a different God than you

Fiona said...

John - It makes my blood both freeze and boil when I hear these things. It's hard being the 'chosen one' in these matters.

Patsy - I was always the trusted, responsible, sensible, practical one. And you're right, it is an honour to be able to serve them in this way, to represent them when they can't represent themselves. Thank you :)

Oh Deb, that sister takes the cake! I'd have been tempted to tell her not to bother then, because she wouldn't be missed! Hugs

Ian - I'll be halleluja'ing all over the place when this is finally over and I hope nothing else crawls out of the woodwork. Mind you when this part is done and settled I still have an asshole to go after re the loan (now documented in the tax form) and an arrogant lawyer to report! ;)

George - I hope everything is going well in George-land :) Why thank you for that lovely comment (blush). Yes, it's hard, but necessary and I know that part of my peace with my parents is being there for them, then and now.


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