Living Life in Shorthand
I feel as though I'm living my life in shorthand these days. As though there isn't enough time in the day to do anything in a deliberate, laboured way.
I shower quickly.
I eat on the run 90% of the time (not sure when I last had a meal that required me to sit at a table with a knife and fork).
I run projects out without double-checking and hope they're okay (so far so good).
I have nine piles of work around me at the moment, NINE! I usually have three - must be done today, must be done this week, must be done by month-end. Now I have all those other piles which contain a jumble of all sorts of things, from reading to pending to must be done sometime, to how the f**k am I going to get this done!
I can put my face on in the morning, in under two minutes (not that very much goes on the face, only daytime moisturiser, two eyeliners, mascara and lip stain).
I get home at about 10pm-ish (I start at about 6:30am), walk out of my clothes on the way to the bathroom, shower and collapse in front of the telly but haven't managed to watch an entire programme for over two weeks.
It just feels like I'm propelling myself into a flat spin and am losing control over the simplest of things. At the weekend, I use Sunday to sleep and try to recover from the pace of the week. I think I'm getting too old to sustain this level of commitment, although I've promised my boss two more years with her. I had to, she looked like she was going to pass out when I broached the subject of my leaving recently. At least she's promised to put another assistant for me in our 2009 headcount budget. However, that's not approved yet and we may be about to enter a hiring freeze, even though our Paris project is confirmed and another US one may well be on the cards.
I work hard. I get paid well. I enjoy what I do. But damn, I wish I was able to do it better right now.
P.S. Yes, those are my squiggles. That is the first paragraph of this post. Thank you Dad for insisting I train to be a secretary, I still have a use for my shorthand, from good note-taking to being able to write things in front of other people and not have them know what I'm writing ;)
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13 comments:
The problem is not the fact that you aren't working hard enough, it's the fact that you have more work than one person can handle. You don't have balance in your life sweetie.
So you promised your boss you'd stay, you can change your mind. You're allowed. In your case, I would encourage it.
Sounds exhusting from here Fiona.
Be sure to relax in someway, spa treatments maybe? Make some time yours or soon you won't have anything else left to give.
Don't burn out!
Hugs,
John
Hang in there, it will get better. You are only one person. Remember that, you can only do so much!
Deb took the words right out of my mouth.
Wow, I was exhausted reading that. Slow down a tiny bit, if only to smell the roses.
balance... easier said than implemented in certain circumstances, huh, fi! hope you get a rock star assistant to help - if not, I'll come out.
There is so much I want to say here, maybe it is time for me to write an email. This worries me, this amount of stress for long is really going to affect your dear one.
I keep thinking of your description of your boss, the more you do, the more she expects from you...INSIST upon that assistant! If she asked for that promise, she at least knows she is asking for too much.
And, somewhere in the back of my mind...I have this niggling memory of you writing that your boss is expecting? No? Yes? If so...cripes!!
eh...that was supposed to say..."effect you, dear one..." grr!
A life that sounds very very familiar... :)
I hope you get to take good care of yourself in between and steal enough happy moments to keep it all going (if you must!) : ))))
*hugs*
I totally feel you Fi :)
I went to my boss and told him something had to give.
I agree with Deb. You can change your mind about your two year commitment!!!
Balance is a must! You're going to burn out if you keep up at this pace. Your welfare comes first, dear Fiona.
You do have quite a workload, my dear. I am shocked that you have received no assistants as of yet. Your boss better get you someone, especially as she has begged you to stay on.
And as I suspected you have an intriguing life. Where do you find the time to blog. I am suitably ashamed.
just wanted to stop by and read and say hi! And now you are on my must read list!
Thank you all for the comments, they are so appreciated.
I had such a bad day yesterday, I was throwing my toys out of my pram, not a pleasant person to deal with at all. By the time I left at 11:30pm I was feeling much better and more in control :)
What pushed me over the edge was my boss, yesterday, knowing I'm working on big meaty projects which are chewing up chunks of time and keeping me on 16-hour days, asking me what I thought about arranging for tv access for staff, of the Olympics, and maybe laying on some food for them. (I take care of the office administration for the corporate office, as well as my other work).
Well, she asked for my opinion and I only just stopped short of saying FUCK THE OLYMPICS and instead told her that I had no interest so was the wrong person to ask for an opinion, and that my only comment was I think the synchronised swimming is quite pretty.
I got back: "You're so funny. I'll ask the others." Yes lady, you do that and keep me out of useless, non-productive, sucky-uppy assignments that I have no interest in!!
I do need to get balance, it's true. And will do that by October, when I'll be a well and truly married woman, with a husband to go home to :)
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