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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Rolling Up My Sleeves.....

Well, now seems as good a time as ever to delve back into my little blog, open the windows wide, get rid of the cobwebs, sweep all the dust off the floor and maybe even give it a fresh coat of paint (that one will have to wait).

I read this quote the other day and it moved me.  I'm certainly no believer of big-g god and I haven't found religion, the quote stood apart from its source.  These words touched a nerve.....

I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. 

Yup, it has certainly felt like that for almost a year, perhaps more.  I've loved as best I could but lost another anchor, my dearest boy crossed over the rainbow bridge, work has been challenging to say the least, I've been in hospital a few times, I've had surgery on my foot and almost on my knee.  I'm bent (literally) but with certainty I'm not broken.  Not even close.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?  Indeed.  And while it certainly doesn't feel like that at the time....too much anguish and pain to even think about ever being strong again....in time the grey fades away and colours start to dot the landscape.  You realise that it wasn't all your fault, hell maybe even none of it was.  We're adults, we made choices, we live with the consequences and we give chances.  But we don't repeatedly offer ourselves up to being emotionally whipped time and time again.  Once, even twice at a squeeze.  But when you hear that whip cracking the third time, well get me off the grill, I'm done.

Sad, yes.  Bitter, no.  Disappointed, yes.  Vengeful, no.  Chalk it up to another of life's experiences.  The Horse year is supposed to be a good one for us Dogs so.....Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!


Jonas said...

Glad to see you ended on a positive note, Fiona! May the comings days, months, years be kind to you!

Maria said...

The hardest thing in the world to do when you are down is to get back up, walk with your face forward and one step at a time.

lily cedar said...

Glad you're back.


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