The Night I Lost My Internet Connection

After a long day out, Rhona and I got back to the room. I had my shower (I sleep in the nude but for the sake of decency with her around, I put on a longish t-shirt until bedtime) and vacated the bathroom for her. While she was showering I sat at the desk to check my work emails. I know, I know, I was supposed to be on holiday!

I'd brought my own notebook and had purchased the one-week special broadband connection package which allowed for easy log-in whenever I wanted to use it. I opened the cover, turned it on and waited for the connection prompt. It didn't appear so I did all I could to check it, and even resorted to that well-known IT expert tip of 'turn it off and back on again'.

Same thing again, no connection prompt. So I referred to the little card on the desk and it told me to contact their 24-hour technical support team at a 1-800 number. I spoke to a very nice man, Mike, who had me walk through it all again - and a few things I hadn't tried. This went on for quite a while and he was clearly as frustrated as I was. The conversation at that point went like this:

Mike: OK, let's unplug the modem and then plug it back in. It's located on the wall under the desk.

Me: OK, I'll put the phone down and do that. I'll be right back. (I proceed to slide off the chair and crawl under the desk on my hands and knees, finally locating the small plug on the wall.)

Rhona (just out the shower and no sign of me in the room): Fion? Fion?

Me (mumbling under the desk): I'm under the desk.

Rhona (clearly not having heard me has walked around the beds to the desk): OH MY GOD I CAN SEE YER ARSE. OH MY GOD FION GET YER BIG ARSE OUT OF ME FACE. FION WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (cackles of laughter)

Me (mumbling louder under the desk): Rhona I'm on the phone!!

Rhona (in fits of laughter): EEEWWWW EEEWWWW FION GET YER ARSE OUT OF ME FACE!!

Me (finally coming up from under the desk and grabbing the handset to shove in her face): Rhona I'm ON THE PHONE and if my arse was in your face you were putting your face at my arse!!

Rhona: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. (louder laughter)

Me: Hello Mike are you still there.

Mike: Yes Ms. A.

Me: Oh good. Well I've done as you say but there's still no connection. (And thinking now, what a lovely voice this man has and do I hear laughter in the background.)

Mike: Well as you've pre-paid for a week of service, I'll insert you manually, every day, for the rest of the week.

(Do you have ANY idea how hard it was for me not to respond to that??!!)

Me (in my sexiest voice): Why thank you Mike, that would be great.

Mike: You're very welcome.

Me: Mike, you've been so helpful and I just wanted to let you know that I think you have a really lovely voice.

Mike: Why thank you Ms. A. Be sure to call again if you need any more help.

Me: I'll be sure to call you.

Hmmmm....I wonder if Mike likes fat bottomed girls.


Sing along with me:

Oooh yeah them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Fat bottomed girls
Yes yes