Stepping Stones

In recent conversations, and in reflecting on how I have lived my life so far, I have come to see much more clearly, the stepping stones I have found myself on for each chapter as it was written.

I like this picture because it shows the stones becoming smaller and I'm choosing to interpret my movement from bottom to top, from larger to smaller. It certainly does feel that way, that the stones I place my feet on as I move through life are getting smaller and in a way, more tenuous. But instead of making me nervous, I feel more sure-footed, more able to deal with a reduced foothold. As I leave the larger stones, I am more prepared to face the challenge of the ever-decreasing size of my future stones. I am more confident, more self-assured, more 'me'.

Those lovely large stones at the beginning of my journey are a little misleading, as I lived with a fear of slipping off the edge. In my early years, I so desperately wanted the safety, if not the sanctuary, of the middle of those large, flat, stable stones. But more often than not, I found myself on the verge, on the brink of true danger. Constantly nudged backwards towards the unknown. Sometimes it was because there were others who inhabited my stones with me, pushing me into a zone fraught with peril. And later they became demons of my own making, sharing with me the precious space I needed to grow. Overpowering my ability to grow. And there were times, I did topple over into the chasm of true danger. It wasn't always easy, knowing how to reclaim my life. Knowing how to claw back up onto my stepping stone. But I did. Sometimes with shredded, bleeding fingers. Sometimes with a heart torn open and raw.

Now, because the stones are getting smaller, doesn't mean I want to stand alone. It means that the space there on that small stone, will be sufficient for the two of us to share with a powerful intimacy. A closeness, a unity that will sustain and reinforce each other. Space enough for us to stand so very close together. And that's exactly how I want it to be. As Sally so beautifully described it: "skin-to-skin with nothing but love between you...".

I want nothing more than to stand on that final stone there, face-to-face, skin-to-skin with nothing but love between us, with the man who holds my heart, and whose heart I hold. And never before have I felt my heart held so tenderly. Never before have I felt so safe in my vulnerability.

I know he feels the same.