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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Introducing Fiona, The Eejit*

I blame lack of sleep or too much excitement or just plain stupidity, but there I was on Tuesday morning, very early. Final check to make sure all my windows are closed, the gas is turned off at the main, and I put out the rubbish. Then I close my door (it is an auto-lock), take the elevator down, and get into a taxi which my wonderful doorman has already got waiting for me (he saw me on the elevator cctv) Happy, happy me. But as he was about to engage his meter I yelled out STOP. Something wasn't right and it suddenly occurred to me that I was sitting there without my backpack. Yes, it was in my locked apartment. And guess where my keys and passport and wallet were. Uh huh, inside my backpack.

Surprisingly, I didn't panic. Mind you I don't tend to. Already I was wondering what other flights would get me to Tokyo in time to make my connection. With a two-hour connection time, there was still that possibility if I missed my flight. But thank god for my doorman. He rang around the locksmiths he knew and found one willing to get out of bed and rush over. Within 25 minutes I was inside my apartment again, grabbed my backpack and was off to city check-in. Got there as it closed. Damn, mad run to the train, just got on one that was about to leave. Every minute counted and with 12 minutes between trains, it was a make or break situation. I called my love and told him what an idiot he's in love with and he just laughed and said it will all be okay. That's what we're like together, nothing, just nothing, fazes us, and if we do start to stress over anything, we calm each other down. We maintain such an amazing balance, he and I.

At the airport, I was first off the train and ran to the check-in desk at the airport as it was closing. The check-in agent gave me 'a look'. I gave her one right back, tenfold, and she checked me in. I was thinking, Missy this really isn't the time to start messing with me and abusing your little area of influence over whether I fly or not. I think as retribution, though, she put me onto the extra security check list which, to be honest, is getting a bit ridiculous as I had it two times in the States on my last trip and this time I wasn't even through to the departure area and I'm being questioned!!! And then another complete search before I boarded (in addition to one to get into the departure hall). At the final search, she asked me to raise my arms so she could cop a feel. Well, I can't do that too well with my right arm, so I explained to her that I have a medical problem and wouldn't be able to raise it to a right angle to my body. At which point she of course took an unnatural interest in my right armpit. Honestly, all I was hiding in there was a very liberal application of Rexona White Linen. Anyway, after everything was swabbed (not me personally, thank goodness) and I was cleared off the suspected terrorist list, I finally was allowed to board.

I was still cursing the check-in agent for swallowing up the crucial 15 minutes that would have allowed me to get a cheeseburger, as I hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before and with the food on NW, you need to find alternative sources of nutrition. She really mucked me around, I've never seen anyone examine a passport with such scrutiny and she even tried to tell me I wasn't eligible for the visa waiver programme as I didn't have an e-chip in my passport. That I needed a visa before I could travel. I calmly told her facts to the contrary and with a very sweet smile said: You really should know this in your job or perhaps you're delaying me unnecessarily? The important thing was that I made it though. I made that flight and the next and the next and ran into my love's arms at the airport. We were inseparable for a good 10 minutes. Then it was off on our Dodge Caravan adventure. Which in itself is worthy of a separate post.

*Eejit - Scottish vernacular for Idiot.


Anonymous said...

It looks like I missed out on giving useless advice about the F&F adventure. Well, for what it's worth...you have no doubt figured this out for yourselves by now, but an automobile moves a surprising amount. Now mind you, my experiences involved a sedan and some contortioning(is that a word?), so I don't know how a hefty Dodge Caravan will hold up but I imagine it will also move quite a bit, so don't park on a slope. Don't park in crowded places with nosy, uptight people who might call the police because the van next to them is shaking uncontrollably, and by god, if you're in the states (a bit peeved you never let us know where you go -it's my morbid, and admittedly voyeuristic, curiosity) but you don't want to park near children, i.e., a park or a school, because when the cops do show up to investigate the seismic activity, they'll be less forgiving if the tots are looking over from the swingset. The blanket is a good recommendation - carpet burns are a bitch. Also, maybe a small fan that plugs into the cigarette lighter, 'cause it's summer and things heat up FAST. Hmmm, you'll have to tell us all how you managed the windows. I do have it right as to what the F&F is to be used for don't I?

Anonymous said...

Wow! All I can say is I'm glad you made it. I was expecting to read otherwise. I'm glad I was wrong!

I hate it when one little thing can throw off the entire day of traveling. The last time I saw FWB he had some trouble getting to his destination (I was seeing him on the way back from his trip). We were both very nervous he would encounter the same problems coming back as he did going out.

Anyway, enjoy your time together. I know you are :)

Trueself said...

Oh, the curves life throws at us. So glad to hear you made it safe and sound. I just got off the phone with BJ. He's within 40 miles of my place! He'll be here in no time. Ain't life great?

George said...

Sounds like an episode of SuperWoman ... glad you made it and wishing you a great time with what's his name. Just kidding Fiano ... about the what's his name.

Jamie/foundme said...

Sitting in the airport last night, the best thing I saw was two lovers reunited, and how excited/nervous/happy/over the hill with joy they were. Reminded me of good times... And you! Have fun!

Sunny Delight said...

I commend you on your aplomb! I think "Superwoman" is an apt name for you my friend......hope you are having a marvelous time! Which I think you are.

And, yes, I am back online, sigh...still on dial-up though.


kimba said...

heh heh.. superwoman.. :)
what are you doing typing posts woman?! I thought you'd be way too busy to think of little ole us.. :)

Fusion said...

I was so worried I'd misplace my passport before I left... Boy you were cool under pressure girl!

And WTF? You're flying Northworst?
Yuuuk! My son never had a choice because of where he went to school in North Dakota, but he never liked flying Northwest airlines...

freebird said...

Phew! Can I un-knit my eyebrows now?

Fiona said...

Thank you all for your wonderful comments!!

anonymous...hmmm reveal thyself ;) By the way we were in Colorado Springs this time.

Superwoman? Hahahahahhaha these thunderthighs wouldn't look too good in tights like that, and as for the uplift feature of the corset, good grief I'd not see where I was going!!!!


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