Here I Sit

This past weekend, the weather was perfect for lots of hours spent at home.

I've lived in my little 'air box' for over six years now. Looking out at that view. And I wonder how long I'll continue to do that. I wonder when I'll close down this life I lead and just up and off out of here. The reason for me to do so, has already presented itself. I want to be with him.

There I sat, alone on my sofa, legs curled underneath me. Looking out my living-room window at the mountain and buildings I face onto. At a view I'm so familiar with. Sometimes watching as the buildings, then the mountain, became obscured completely, by the dense rainfall. Lost in thought for many an hour.

I'd said to the man I love:

"I miss you. The days pass....but that's all, they just pass. And all I think is.....that's one more day I won't ever have with you. They're like lost days....once they're gone, they're gone forever."

It saddened him to hear it, as much as it saddened me to say it.

I know what I want and need. I just don't know how to get it. It's hard to judge where our half-way point lies. Perhaps it is beholden upon me, to go more than half-way. I will be the one to travel more miles, even though his will be, in fact, the longer journey.

And so, here I will sit. Until. Until something. I don't even know what that something will be, though. But, here I will sit. Because I believe, blindly. Sometimes you just have to do that while you wait.