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Monday, April 14, 2008

Death of a Blog?

I can't believe it's almost a week since I posted. Where did those six days go? Swallowed up by life and work and, well, if I'm honest, just work.

I received some good, sound, sage advice from the comments to my last post. About doing more for me and less for those around me. I don't know if I can just change such a prominent facet of my personality. I know there are times I need to, though.

I do want to post more, I have these elusive thoughts about what might make for a good post. But that's all they are these days, fluttering thoughts. I can't seem to grab even one, sit down with it, and thrash it out. Damn things just float away and I feel a sense of unfinished business with each and every one of them.

I start work every day before 7am and here I am, now, at almost 8pm (not that my work-day is over yet) and it's the first time I've had to sit and have a moment for Fiona. And what thought teases me? About how my blog is dying, that's what. And I'm not happy about that. This place has a huge investment of 'me' about it, so many things I've revealed to you, and at times even to myself as I wrote down words and put them into some kind of semblance. There are occasions when 'talking' to myself like this, has helped me understand some things about myself. About my motives, about my reasons, about my desires, about my needs, even about my own confusions.

This has been, probably, the most momentous year of my life. My mother's death and becoming an 'orphan'. The recognition, finally, of my abilities at work. My understanding of so many things in my past. And coming to terms with them all. My love affair and subsequent marriage to the man who has nurtured within me, my ability to be the best I can possibly be. That, alone, would have made this an exceptional year.

I don't want to let this place go. I found my true love through 'The Eyes Have It'. I want to put more here, more about how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, reflections of days past, dreams of days yet to come. I have more to say. So, no death here. Perhaps a long break now and then, but no, I'm not ready to put my blog to rest, just yet.


anna said...

That's good to hear because I'm not ready to see you go.

Of the blogs I read, I think yours is the only one that seems to perfectly marry the writer's passions and reason. You have the rare ability to be calm and thoughtful while being swept up in drama. For that reason (and many others) you are an inspiration to me and I look forward to reading each of your future posts.

S'mee said...

Don't you dare close your Eyes. We've many miles to go before we sleep.

Who else would be rude to me and tempt me into making a fool of myself?

IanS X

Sunny Delight said...

We all go through it darling woman, life gets so busy...and something has to take a back seat.

Blogging/journaling our stories, our lives, our dreams, our wishes, our desires, our thoughts, our needs, our loves, our woes and angsts does help us grow. It's wonderful to read, and get to know those who are honestly writing their story as it happens. Like you.

I've cried and celebrated with you, been flabbergasted and angry either for you or with you. I've laughed, smiled and celebrated with you, and hope to continue to do so for years and years.

Fusion said...

Don't you dare do that young lady! We've been through think and thin these past 17 months, and I know I'm not leaving...

I missed the last post, someone read you through my rss feed (cough-kimba), hmm umm...

But I was nodding big time at what George wrote (miss your blog buddy!) and that's exactly what my greif counselor was telling me last year, I needed to make time for myself. We all do.

So do it! ;)

Fiona said...

Anna - your words humble me, truly. I think the calm while drama swirls around me is one of my strengths. If I think back to times of horrible stress, I've always been able to keep an even keel. Thank you Dad for passing this on to me :)

S'mee - you speak the truth! I don't want to lose this place, even if I can't spend the time here that I used to. Too much history and too much still to be experienced. Thank you for chivvying me along :)

Sunny - I suppose the early days of my blog, I was languishing in the fact I had a normal worklife, with some hours left in a day for recreation and the 'me' time I need for thought. I've been through the same emotions with you on your blog....and you continue to pour forth your thoughts, emotions and honesty and wow, do you ever make a wonderful read :) :)

John - hahahhahaha 'YOUNG' lady indeed! Tis true, we have both been through a lot...some huge growth has occurred for us :) I know, it IS important to sometimes be selfish with ourselves and I'm slowly, very slowly, creeping towards that :) I hope you're enjoying your horizon :)

freebird said...

Sorry, late again!
Fiona, I go through the exact same frustrations with ideas for posts and not being able, for some reason or other, to get them completed satisfactorily. You've put it so well in this one!
(Mine is hanging on by a thread, but I prefer to post only when I've something to say, and not just for the sake of keeping it going - even though I may have lost the patience of some of my very few readers!)
So do it for you - as you've said, it's been of great value so far. Do it when you feel like it and without obligation. But having said that... you've got so much ahead of you that we just can't let you not tell us all about it! Please don't go, Fi.

the last spartan said...


Remember that your blog's primary purpose to be a repository for all thoughts "you". It flows like life. Some times are slow and others prolific. If it "dies" then so be it but as with my former blog, it remains an archive of your life that you can look back on.

The fact that it has comments makes it a "living diary" that speaks back to you. Whatever you decide is fine but realize that you may never be totally cut off from the need to write.


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