Games People Play
Noone plays them solo. Games that are played on the web aren't solitaire, they involve at least one other person to be in the picture, for 'Game On'. Sometimes the game is clear, sometimes the game box is hidden and you're not sure if you are playing Chess, Cluedo or even Trivial Pursuit. To many out there, these pursuits are indeed trivial and no thought is given to the feelings we expose and which make us so vulnerable. At the merest hint of an easy meal, vultures will circle overhead.
Over the years on the web I think I've honed my intuitive ability, though I'll freely admit that for the first year or so I was pretty green and I looked for the wrong thing in the wrong places, becoming a veritable whirling dervish in my need for attention. Actually, being needed rather than wanted had led me to some bad decisions in my life before, so in effect I was just carrying into here, who I was out there. That is something I continue to do, albeit as a more complete person these days. I know not everyone does that though, and many personas are created to live in this 'virtual' world. The one with the little 'x' in the top right hand corner of the screen. These references are about my past life in chatrooms, not my new life on the blogs. I am finding this so very different and enthralling.
I trust easily, I've always trusted easily. I will think the best of you until you show me the worst of you. And I find it very hard to forget, let alone forgive, a transgression. But I shall not allow anyone to destroy my ability to trust the next person who crosses my path, because that would kill a part of who I am.
I am here with my eyes open and my trust levels held as high as always. I will present to you the person who I am, warts and all. Not everyone can cope with warts, I know that. In my journey I have learned to always ask questions and expect honesty, for I shall always give you my honesty. A question unasked is always a question unanswered. A question asked and not answered, is usually cause for concern.
Don't blame the vulture for feeding off the carcass.
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6 comments:
My closest friends are those that I can lose (myself / appear weak / hang my head in shame) to... and yet, they still let me know that they love me... and they understand where I am coming from.
Those are the best friends Steve, the ones who never sit in judgement and never turn from you.
It seems we have all been there....a part of those games....it took me sooo very long to understand that not all were putting their 'real selves out there' ...I always have, fumbling, bumbling, mixed-up confused person that I am....and you are right....even online if I trust my intuition...I have always been right...but was a very hard online lesson learned....not sure it completely is yet.
Great post.
Nods, yes I have one online relationship that still haunts me, somewhat. Though I'm happy to say that, although painful when it ended noone got hurt, especially those innocent in all of it.
Letting go of him was hard, staying would have been harder. Lives would have been shattered, people hurt. We still talk and wish sometimes, but that's all it will ever be.
Everything helps us grow in some way.
Thank you for posting SD.
Relationships or experiences like that can help you grow though... they can tell you what you really want and need to go after.
Sadness - without regret - can make our lives much stronger than they were before.
Like you say, "Everything helps us grow in some way."
I'm with you there Steve, never have regrets!
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