Half-way Through

My trip is half over, here I am in London, at a Gatwick airport hotel overnight. I was to fly out early in the morning but I've changed it to an early afternoon flight instead. I need time to gather myself before the next onslaught.

Four days with my sister. One day she was OK, the other three she was mildly drunk to totally drunk. She has a serious drinking problem. If it's there, she has to drink it. Nothing comes before it. Nothing takes its place. And if it's not there, she has to go and find it. No matter the hour. She and her boyfriend actually went out at 2am to the local bar, after drinking the house dry one night.

And her boyfriend also has a drinking problem. A little different from hers, but a drinking problem nonetheless. He binge drinks. One day he'll have nothing but juice and tea and soda. And the next he'll drink from morning to night. And I see the co-dependency where my sister defends his behaviour. She goes to pick him up from the bar where he has spent the entire day and is totally legless. Trying to rationalise his behaviour to me.

I was so unhappy those days, except for the fact I was with my dog. I do miss him so very very much. By Tuesday I wanted to leave. To just get out. Only by speaking with my love on the phone, was I able to hang on. I called him, in tears, and he calmed and soothed me. He can reach through a phone and comfort me with his voice, with his love. I appreciate him so very much.

I support my sister financially and she told me she hates that. I support her emotionally and she told me I'm cold. I defend her to other members of my family and she told me I am never on her side. I have tried to help her with treatment for depression and anxiety and all she does is go back to the bottle. There is nothing I can do that is right. And she hates the fact that she needs me.

Tomorrow, I fly up to Edinburgh then travel by train to my mother's. Rhona will fly from Tenerife to Newcastle and then go by train to my mother's. We will have another three days together.

Right now, I wish I was catching a flight back to Hong Kong. I feel drained. I feel in need of my love's big strong arms wrapped around me, making the rest of the world go away. Soon, I need that soon.