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Wednesday, May 23, 2007


I'm back. I can't even call it 'home' any more.

This visit has totally floored me.

A part of me is missing, he carries it with him.

I don't even see the same person any more, when I look in the mirror.

The tears are ever-present in my eyes and keep spilling over.

I am so in love it hurts, physically hurts, to be this far from him.



Sunny Delight said...

It is good to have you back, you have been missed, but very sad to read how badly you are feeling. Sending a big hug, although I know it doesn't help.

Fusion said...

I'm so sorry Fiona, I know you work for a major international company, any chance of a transfer to the states? It's sounds like you need to be with him from now on...

It was nice to hear from you while on vacation though!

Fiona said...

Sunny - thank you, for this and for the emails.

It will be better, as soon as we can plan some more time together.

Fusion - I wish it was that simple, alas it's not. You're right, I do need to be with him and hopefully one day that will be possible for us.

I enjoyed my culinary exposure to new things on this trip. More to come, I hope.

Trueself said...

I understand how you feel even though my guy is only 400 miles away. It really doesn't matter how far away they are, we want them with us all the time. I think it is hardest just after a visit when the next visit has not yet been planned. The uncertainty of when you'll be together next is hardest, I think.

Unspoken Drama said...

Big, huge tremendous hugs for you girlfriend. You know that I know where you are coming from. My heart sunk a bit reading your words because they hit oh so very close to home. Hold onto those amazing memories and the feelings of being together. Hopefully when you begin to feel the pain and emptiness you can rely on those happy thoughts and feelings to keep you afloat. Also, if it helps, know that I'm here and my email is always open to you. *hugs*


P.S. I hope you enjoyed more than your culinary exposure. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh my god do I understand the hurt you feel. It's always difficult but it seems to be more so right after seeing each other.

Miranda said...

((((HUGS)))) you so tight... I know the feeling....stay strong, hang in there.

Anonymous said...

What are we going to do with you sweetie? Sending you a hug.

kimba said...

awww honey.. We so loved your exuberance and excitedness.. you are back so soon? Not fair!!

Fiona said...

TS - it really does make reaching out to touch, or to look into his eyes, so damn hard. But I believe that because of this, we appreciate our men so much more.

Drama - I know you live through much of what I write, too. *L* the culinary exposure was the mere tip of the iceberg ;) and thank you for your support and kindness.

Ob - it's so raw right afterwards, like a layer of skin has been peeled away. The light hurts my eyes, sounds pierce my eardrums, even the touch of my clothes irritates my skin.

Miranda - hugs right back atcha :) Thank you

Deb - just bear with me while I do my mini-grieve, my hurt that I can't contain. Thank you :)

Kimba - they are still there, just muffled right now by a feeling of being torn away from the man I need to be with. It was my longest trip yet and each time depletes my leave days and that makes me nervous! :)

anna said...

If you want it, then make it happen. Where there's a will, there's a way... and plenty of more cliches.


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