Black, White and Shades Of Grey

I've been mulling over whether or not to vent privately, or publicly. I've decided to go out with this.

My post on Friday brought a commenter to my blog with a lot to say against me and my relationship. Fair enough, from her own personal viewpoint, she's a married woman with children, trying to get over her own husband's betrayal, but honestly not everything in life is as narrow as she presents it. What I took umbrage at was her accusatory style and I certainly won't stand by and let anyone label the love of my life as a liar. Sorry, you just don't get away with that one. Kindly refrain from judging the man I love against the standards of your own life experiences. Not all of us have ended up loving a liar, as you obviously have. And please don't deny it, you've accused him of being just that, time and time again on your blog.

At first I was angry, at her accusations. Pissed off, to be honest. But as I took it in, beyond the initial reading, I actually found a lot of amusement in them (and a post on her own blog tearing apart my whole relationship for the entertainment of her followers, who took up her cause while at first thinking she was speaking of her husband's affair). I just thought, wow, there's a woman internalising other people's lives to the point she gets that het up? Not a good way to be. She should be living her own life, repairing what she wishes to repair, instead of casting judgement upon something she doesn't have the whole story on. That kind of energy could, and should, be spent in a much more positive way. As for calling her sad and bitter, that is merely reflecting what she herself says. She is definitely sad about the events which unfolded in her life. And bitter too that it happened. Bitter to the point she comes here to throw daggers at my relationship.

I'm frankly a bit flabbergasted that she thinks I have the kind of juju that would make a man leave his family of many years, with supposedly nary a thought for them, and me living thousands of miles away. That she so kindly opined he has been playing a game with me with these kinds of results. This is so far from the truth. Good lord, what on earth has she been exposed to, or surrounded by, to have such a warped outlook on life? Oh, and please don't presume to know that I haven't suffered betrayal. I have.

I fully expected to lose readership after this post and I definitely thought that reader would be the first to stop coming by. I have to wonder why she continues to read something that so upsets her. If my activities irk her so badly, why keep reading? Does she need some sort of scapegoat for her own deficiencies in her relationship? I read her blog because I actually find it in turn to be amusing, enlightening and naive. I don't post there because, to be honest, our viewpoints are miles apart and what, really would be the point in me offering up my observation of her actions as at times being controlling, unreasonable and manipulating?

And just for the record, I don't "believe that (I) have the greatest love of all mankind", I've never said that. Nor would I presume to say such a thing. What I have said, is that this man is the greatest love of my life. And he is. And for that I make no apology. Many people have found such a love and I couldn't be happier for them. Sometimes, yes, sometimes, that person comes from an unhappy and unsuccessful marriage. Thank goodness we no longer live the way our parents lived, with a resigned acceptance of an unhappy life just to remain in a sham of a marriage. To avoid the disapproving finger-pointing of those lacking the courage to move on, but secretly wishing they could, too.

The comment which made me laugh the most was this one: "Or was he just telling you that so you felt sorry for him and slept with him?" What an odd concept. I'd never even have thought of that, but I guess she has? Sorry to disappoint, but I have never, and will never, sleep with a man I feel sorry for. I have slept only with men I have cared for deeply. All of whom I can count on one hand. Oh and by the way, "illiterate, stupid, needy and selfish" do not describe me at all.

I'd like to end this with: Dear blogger, Put away your pointing finger. I did not cause your marriage to dissolve, you and your husband did. There is no way any man will walk away from a woman he loves and cares for, from a life well-lived and happy, on the pure off chance that another woman might make for a better living arrangement. A fool might and while perhaps that is one of your issues, my man on the other hand is no fool. So go and live your life, I am living mine. Happily, I might add. I actually feel sorry for you. But perhaps, in time, you'll manage to unravel yourself from that self-imposed shroud of suffocating anger and vitriol. It is especially obscene when directed at people who have played no part in your situation. Look to yourself, for both your failures and your solutions.

Like so much in life, these experiences are found in the muted shades of grey, and rarely in the black or white of our existence.