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Thursday, January 03, 2008

The End Is Almost Here


Update : My mother passed away at 5:05pm GMT on Sunday, 6 January.


I got home as planned on the evening of the 31st and within 12 hours was sitting on a flight bound for London again. My mum is in hospital and won't be coming out. I can't believe the deterioration that has occurred in so few days of last seeing her and then seeing her again this afternoon. I didn't recognise her. She cooked Christmas lunch on Christmas day and between then and a few hours ago, she can't even sit up in bed by herself.

My sister and brother are arriving on Friday morning. I hope they get here in time because she's refusing food and is ready to leave us.

I'm tired beyond words, I'm so sad and there's not a damn thing that can be done any more. When I left her this afternoon, we said to each other "I love you". I hope it's not the last time I hear those words from my mother's lips. Or from her heart.

31 comments:

S'mee said...

It's only been a few weeks since I was in your position Fi. I know what you are going through and wish I could take some of the burden from you. A SUH when ever you need it.

IanS.

Miranda said...

My heart aches for your pain Fiona, Im sending prayers your way. I wish there was something more I can do. But know you're in my thoughts. (((BIG HUGS)))

Gillette said...

Not much else to say except that many hold you in their hearts and send loving energy your way. Her journey here sounds like it's winding down..how fortunate that you were able to get back to see her once, again.

Blessings and huge hugs to you, Fiona.

D said...

Fiona I hope the solace you and your mother need comes during whatever time she has left and that she fully understands just what a remarkable daughter she has.Having been in a similar situation with my Dad I know that this time can be a huge source of comfort in the future. Take care Dx

anna said...

Oh Fiona, I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you. I don't know what to say. I wish you strength through all of this.

Matt K. said...

Fi, be glad you are getting to spend time with her before her time comes. And when that time comes, remember two things: she'll be in a better place, and she'll never truly be dead as long as you and others keep her alive in your memories, tell people about her and write about her on your blogs.

sophie n said...

***hugs***

Sunny Delight said...

You heard it, she gave it to you in her way, I am glad of that. You are being held so closely in my heart.
SUH as well.

George said...

As long as you keep her in your mind and in your heart, she will never be gone.

Hugs for you and your mother

deb said...

I'm sorry sweetie. Wish I could do something for you.

Sending a hug your way. Take care.

freebird said...

Thank goodness you were able to get back and hear and say those much needed words. My thoughts are with you. x

s301 said...

Fiona-

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I am watching my own father deteriorate slowly in front of my eyes as well.

I am glad that your mum got to make Christmas lunch and that she was able to make it through the holiday because that is the hardest part of the year to lose a loved one.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts. BIGGEST HUG.

Matt K. said...

I just read the update. I'm sorry for your loss, Fi.

just a thought said...

I have been reading and not commenting because you seem to have plenty of wonderful friends who express themselves far better, but I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I know your relationship with her was not always as you wanted it, but she loved you as you loved her even if she did not always communicate that so clearly. I still have both my parents, and I've often imagined how scary it must be to lose both your parents and how lonely you must then feel. I can see from your posts though that you are far from being alone, and that your friends are honored to be able to fill any void you may feel. There are those whom you see and speak with often and are a direct part of your life, and those of us who are grateful to be allowed to be a witness to your life if only from across an ocean and in quiet moments in front of a computer. We love you, all of us.

Trueself said...

My deepest sympathies, Fiona.

S'mee said...

So sorry Fi. Thinking of you.
IanS. X

Gillette said...

Ah, Fiona- it's the 8th and I'm sending you my wishes of peace and wholeness and an appreciation for Life as it continues.

Time to celebrate Love and the ability to Dance!!!

Being an orphan is a huge transition. If you ever need anyone to talk to who has experience in this, I am here.
Always.

Hugs and deep feelings for you and your family at this time.

Charmed said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

freebird said...

I am so sorry to hear this Fiona. My thoughts are with you still. I hope you are finding comfort here.

Love and hugs.
x

Jonas said...

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy, Fiona. May your mother rest in peace. May you find peace, as well.

Jac said...

Dear Fi, I am so sorry. I hope there is healing in that you were there for her and did ALL you could, and then a little bit more. Hugs

Miranda said...

oh Fi, I am soooo sorry.....I wish I could take your pain away.

I've nothing more to say, but know we're always here for you.

deb said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. I hope she finds some peace now, and you as well. Take care and I'm sending a hug.

sophie n said...

hey fiona...

i just read your comment...

i'm so so sorry...

i understand your pain and i'm here if there's anything i can do...


*hugs*

D said...

Fiona - just seen the sad news. Really hope you got what you needed from being there for her in those last few days.Take care and stay safe. D x

anna said...

Oh Fiona, I just read your update. I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could hug you. Like some others, I'm also wishing you a sense of peace.

George said...

I am so sorry Fiona ... I wish I could offer words that would help you be at peace with your mother's passing but I cannot. Just know that you are in my heart as well as the hearts of everybody else who you welcome into your blog

kimba said...

Ohh Fi.. I am so sorry for your loss. It warmed my heart to read that you both had the opportunity to tell each other you loved each other from the heart. I am hoping darling that this is a memory that stays with you. She loved you from her heart and you gave her all your energy and care in the very end. I know it has been a hard road for the two of you.. my thoughts are with you darlin' xx

Fusion said...

When I lost my Dad it was a two edged sword for me, he passed away peacefully in his sleep, but I never had the chance to tell him goodbye, or I love you. I don't know which way is easier, and I can only give you my condolances, and let you know you and your family are in my thoughts. It is a hard way to start the new year, but hopefully what is to come this year for you will help with the sadness you feel now.

Hugs,
John

oblivion said...

Thinking of you!

Mrs. Monkey said...

I'm so sorry... Truly.

 

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